Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
