I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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