i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
