I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
