It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
