When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
