I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
