I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
