haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
