Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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