I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
