my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
