I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
