i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
