New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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