I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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