Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
