1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
