My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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