elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
