Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
