i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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