I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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