Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
