Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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