I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
