ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Randomize
