you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
