erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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