i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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