we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
