He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize