...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i already hear my dad disowning me
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
