i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
