You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
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