i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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