I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
