can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
