angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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