I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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