at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
