we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
