When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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