I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I AM VODKA MAN
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Your penis caused this!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
