Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
