just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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