Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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