I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
