That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
