How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
