whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
