Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
