dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
