I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Fuck appropriateness.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
