I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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