I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
