Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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