Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
