my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
