It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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